Friedman parody

 Friedman parody:

For better and for worse, the United States in Iraq performed the geopolitical equivalent of fathering a child – that we are also the mother of.  That is, we inserted ourselves into Iraq thinking we were screwing Saddam, shooting our troops into him like so many camo-clad spermatozoa.  Rather than using our own iron fist on ourselves, we initiated coitus with a multisectarian regime, and we didn’t pull out. So, when the inevitable explosion followed, we assumed this would give birth to a new order that would shoot a flamethrower of freedom that would enflame our new child into a beacon of hope for the region.  But Saddam was not who we were having relations with.  He was more like our deadbeat cousin who gives us a brittle, expired condom from his wallet and tells us “good luck” when we head out on a date. So we hoped against hope that it would contain the explosion.   Except the condom was made of barbed wire.  So it didn’t contain anything.  Plus, it hurt when we put it on.  And the straining relations among Shiite-Sunni communities made it hurt more.  And when we fully penetrated what we thought was Saddam’s Iraq, it hurt still more.  And that’s when we realized that, with the Arab world filming the proceedings to show to the rest of the globe on the internet, we had sr screwed ourselves.